DIET AND HEALTH BOOK
MY THIN FRIENDS, THE DELUDED ONES
PAGE 7

The Deluded Ones--My Thin Friends - Diet and Health - Page 7

Chapter 6

What!

I am going to sandwich you in between the food calories and my fat friends, and maybe you can absorb some of them. In the first chapter, you remember, I said I was not particularly interested in you, but I have changed my mind, and I will treat you tenderly and carefully. I will have to preach a little bit first, but I don't mind that; I love to reform people--Yes, you need reforming!

The first thing many of you have to do is to learn to accept the trivial annoyances and small misfits of life as a matter of course, for to give them attention...beyond their deserts...is to wear the web of your life to the warp.

Elbert Hubbard never said anything better than that. Have that reproduced in motto form and put it on your bureau, and repeat it fifty times daily.

Good Philosophy

Adopt my philosophy. If I have a trivial annoyance I analyze it carefully. Was I to blame? Yes? All right, I am glad, because then I can see that it will not happen again, so I stop worrying. If I am not to blame, if I could not help it in the least, well, then I don't worry about it, for that will not help it any, and I wasn't to blame! If it bobs up in my mind again, I say: "Now, look here, you annoyance, I have given you all the attention you deserve; avaunt, depart, get out!"

Simple

Now, how is this philosophy going to help you gain?

Lost Calories

When you worry needlessly, notice how tense your muscles are. You are exercising them all of the time and using hundreds of calories of energy. You raise your blood pressure, the internal secretory glands may overact (re-read what I have said about these glands in the fat people), and thus many more calories are used. The intestinal secretions do not flow so freely, you have indigestion and do not assimilate your food, and thus hundreds more calories are lost.

It certainly is impossible to gain unless your food is assimilated.

Develop Poise

So the first thing you have to learn is this mental control and to relax. Remember that word, relax. After you are better nourished your nervous system will not be on hair-trigger tension, and it will be easier for you.

No Pain In Matter; No Matter In Pain Why Worry?

If you are ill in mind or body, remember that it is natural to be well, and that within your body nature has stored the most wonderful forces which are always tending towards the normal, or health, if not obstructed or hindered.

Nature sometimes needs help to stimulate those forces, or to reinforce them, or to remove obstructions. This is where the physician comes in. But you yourself can aid nature the most by realizing that _nature is health and it is normal to be well_. By so doing, all of your organs function better and you are restored to normal more rapidly.

Sleep

Fresh Air

Second: It is very important to have enough sleep. Dr. Richard Cabot says that probably resistance is lowered as much by lack of sufficient sleep as by any other factor, and that all you can soak into your system in twenty-four hours is not too much. Don't forget the fresh air.

You generally suffer from sleeplessness, I believe. The overweights are always advised not to sleep too much. They will find while reducing that they won't want to sleep so much, anyway. They will like to stay awake--they feel so much happier.

Sometimes

Now, when you retire and try to sleep but cannot, try this--it works with me. You know when you are passing over your mental images become distorted and grotesque. I artificially induce that state. If I find myself rehearsing about two hundred times, with appropriate gestures, the keen, witty, logical remarks which I could have made in favor of my pet legislation in the club discussion, but didn't, then I begin after this fashion:

Pink elephants with green ribbons on their tails--red rhinoceri (is that right, or should it be rhinoceroses?)--smiling peanuts--Woman's City Club--Social Health Insurance--why didn't I say--I wish I had said--(here get out, you annoyance!)--pink elephants--and so forth and so forth.

Picture of Pink Elephant Adorned

Woe Is Me

Now I realize I have ruined myself. I am my own worst enemy. I have exposed my whole life before those modern vivisectionists, the army of amateur psycho-analysts.

Exercise

Third: Exercise. Great muscular exertion should be avoided, but the setting-up exercises that I advise, if begun with moderation and increased gradually, will undoubtedly stimulate the appetite and help the body functions to be better performed.

Food

Fourth: Since food is the only source of body substance, you must gradually train your stomach so that it can care for enough food to not only supply your bodily energy, but to leave a little excess to be stored as fat.

Your Stomach

If you have a small appetite--and many of you have--your stomach is undoubtedly contracted, and you must gradually add to the amount you have been eating, even though it may cause some distress, until you have disciplined it so that it can handle what you need without distress. The stomach is a muscular organ and can be trained and exercised somewhat as other organs can. You will not have much appetite at first, but it will develop. Sometimes a short fast for a day or two, drinking nothing but pure water, seems to be beneficial in the beginning.

Do not drink much with your meals, unless the drink has food value by the addition of lots of cream or sugar, or both.

Eat More

Decide how many calories you need for your activities, gradually add to your dietary until you have reached that number, and then some more, and you will gain as surely as the overweight individual will lose by doing the opposite. It may take a long time, or you may get results very rapidly, depending somewhat upon the individual characteristics. Gradually increase your butter, cream, sugar, chocolate, and so forth, as they are very high in food value.

Study the Key to the Calories and reckon your calories every day for a while. You have already noticed that the foods that you like are low in food value.

Here are some of the things you can take to add to your fuel:

Try Some of These

A glass of milk, hot or cold, taken between meals and before retiring,
will add about 500 calories.

Cream sauce on your vegetables will add to their value.

Cod liver oil, or olive oil, or cream, begun in small doses and gradually increased.

One malted milk, made with milk, syrup, egg, ice cream, whipped cream, and the malted milk, will add about 500 calories.

Learned Phraseology

You remember the painful time that I spoke of when there was so much more of me than there ought to be? Well, the aforesaid concoction, made with milk, syrup, egg, ice cream, whipped cream, and the malted milk, was accessory before the fact, and also particeps criminis before the law.

I absorbed this phraseology by being president of the Professional Woman's Club, with its high-class women attorneys, ministers, dentists, Ph.D.'s, and "Medical Trust" doctors.

Explanatory Note 1

"Medical Trust."--The American Medical Association (A.M.A.), a powerful trust you can't get into unless you have a high preliminary education and are a graduate of a high-class medical college. Eleven years' training after the grammar school is their minimum standard now.

Explanatory Note 2

"League for Medical Ignorance."--The so-called "League for Medical Freedom"; the opponent of the above mentioned trust. Their standard--any old kind of a medical or religious training, two weeks or longer, engrafted on anyone who has the money to pay for the course. No education, no barrier; in fact, those of limited education make the loudest boosters for the league. In justice, I must say that many splendid, estimable persons belong to this league, not knowing these facts.

Thorough Mastication

Fifth: See page 92 in my advice to the fat. It is as important for you as for them. (It always makes me mildly furious when I look up a word and am directed to seek some other locality. If it affects you that way--seek page 60 in my advice to you.)

Also have your teeth X-rayed. Blind abscesses at the roots will cause all sorts of aches and pains, as well as underweight.

Especially About Your Ailments

Organ Recitals Wednesday Evenings Only

Sixth: _Don't talk so much_. See if you can't leave out two-thirds of the totally unimportant, uninteresting details. A tremendous amount of energy is used in talking. This habit I would not say was confined to you, by any means; it is another one of those pretty nearly universal errors.

I will not give you a sample fattening menu, for it might be all out of proportion to what you could handle, and it would upset you. Make out your own menus, realizing that you must work gradually to the desired amount.

I am taking it for granted that you are organically sound, that your scientific, educated physician has said there is nothing the matter with you, except perhaps your "nervous" disposition.

Have I not been nice to you? All right, relax and watch yourself get into the class of the plumptically adequate.
And if you don't succeed after a faithful trial, take the milk-cure, with its three to six weeks' absolute rest.

Recapitulation

     1. Calm yourself.
     2. Sleep.
     3. Exercise.
     4. Food.
     5. Masticate
     6. Delete the details.
     7. Milk-cure.

Review

     1. Repeat Elbert Hubbard's advice.
     2. Give three reasons why worry can make you thin.
     3. Define "Medical Trust" and "League for Medical Freedom."
     4. Memorize paragraph about nature
     5. Enumerate the things you can eat to increase your calories.

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P. S. If you want to learn more about why Diets Don't Work, please click here.

If you want to learn how to burn fat, a great book to read is Burn the Fat, Feed the Muscle by Tom Venuto